Testimony

As the mother of two girls, one of my sweetest memories of them was when they were little. I remember watching them as they would play dress up in their favorite “princess dresses.” They would take such care getting the tulle of the skirt perfectly fluffed, and place the rhinestone tiara gently on their head before slipping into their matching “high heels.” And then it would happen…they would catch a glimpse of themselves in the mirror and stop…and stare…and twirl…and smile. They were so enamored with themselves – the image in the mirror was the most amazing, wonderous thing they had ever seen! They knew they were beautiful. They didn’t care that there was still evidence of the morning’s breakfast on their face or that they still had bed-head hair from the night before. All they could see was the gorgeous girl staring back at them and she was wonderful in every way!

At some point, we change from little girls with eyes full of wonder, into women staring into a mirror, with a critical helplessness. We stop seeing ourselves the way our Creator sees us and we start seeing ourselves based on what the world tells us we should see.

We begin to buy into the lies that “wonderful” looks like this, that value comes from this success or this possession, and that worth is found in how strong our social media image is and the amount of likes we receive by the end of the day. In Psalm 139, David praises God because he recognizes that he is FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made. Believe it or not, this is true of each and every one of us! God is the greatest artist and He “made” us in HIS image. Every detail about you is incredible! Take a moment and let that soak in!

So often, when we look in the mirror, rather than seeing ourselves as “fearfully and wonderfully” made, we change the words to “shamefully and wrongly” or “disappointedly and foolishly” or “ugly and accidently” made. The labels we place on ourselves denounce the artistry of God and they break the heart of our Creator.  What you need to know and absorb deep into your soul is that God, our Creator, our Father doesn’t make mistakes. The Bible says His works are wonderful and that means YOU!

This is the definition of wonderful - inspiring delight, pleasure, or admiration; extremely good, marvelous! Sweet friend, this is exactly how God sees you and wants you to see yourself when you look in the mirror.

Testimony

I lead worship for a living, so this may sound like some sort of cheesy Christian plug (it’s not, I promise!), but the thing that always makes me feel the closest to God is worship. I was raised in the church, but grew up in a home where my parents fought a lot. When I say they “fought,” I don’t mean they just had tons of disagreements. Their fights were scary. I’m talking about yelling, threatening, and all of the things that would make a young girl wonder if her family is seconds away from falling apart.

Growing up in the church, I had learned enough by a young age to know that when I’m upset, I’m supposed to go to God. So that’s what I did. When my parents would have a really big fight and I would get scared or upset, I would go into my room, shut my door, and pray/listen to worship music. Worship became a place of escape and healing for me at an early age, and I think I’ve just always carried that with me into every season of my life.

These moments of worship weren’t and aren’t always pretty and put-together. They’re actually most often broken, raw, and sometimes really angry. But God always meets me there. In fact, the more raw and real I am in these moments of worship, the more freedom and peace I walk away with. It took me a while to understand and trust that I really can say ANYTHING to God. Even the things that I fear will make him mad at me. He can handle it, he KNOWS it already, and he wants to hear it from ME. I didn’t come to this realization overnight. It was a relationship that was fostered over time, by showing up again and again.

In order to be close with someone you have to trust them, and the path to trust starts with just simply showing up. We tend to make worship into this multifaceted, complicated thing, but it can be as simple as just showing up. Show up happy. Show up sad. Show up broken. Show up whole. Whatever it is, wherever you are, just choose to show up and watch what God will do.  

Testimony

Ever since I was a little girl I have always loved being active! You would regularly find me outside playing football with my big brother, doing cartwheels in the front lawn, or twirling in the kitchen in my pink, Minnie Mouse, ballerina dress. To this day, I still love to worship God through movement, whether it be playing basketball, taking a fitness class, or hiking! I take notes from that wonderful Proverbs 31 Woman we hear so much about: “She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong” (Proverbs 31:17). I desire to honor God with my body through physical fitness and eating nourishing foods, because Jesus paid the ultimate price of death on a cross for me to live and walk in this freedom that is accessible to all. I have learned that being disciplined in my fitness routine and preparing nutritious food is worshipful to God. 

In the same respect, I have learned that resting my muscles when they are sore, or icing an injury is also honoring to God. “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Cor. 10:31). Praise the Lord that glorifying God with our bodies sometimes looks like going for a run or eating a salad, and sometimes it looks like resting or eating the donut—taste and see that the Lord is good (Psalm 34:8)! Can I get an Amen?

My health journey and learning to treat my body as a holy temple has not always been a walk in the park. I have been guilty of idolizing working out in hopes of looking a certain way, but God is teaching me the importance of being kind to my body. I used to never miss a workout. Now I evaluate whether my body needs to be nurtured with some rest and relaxation instead of forcing myself to burn some calories. Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing imperfections, He has taught me to look in the mirror and thank Him for the ability to move my arms and legs, walk, jump, and dance! The fact that Jesus died for me and rose again in victory makes me want to worship him through treating my body with the utmost respect and that includes the words I speak to myself! I challenge you to speak to yourself as you would speak to Christ, because He lives in you and has made your heart His home.

Friends, our bodies are beautiful temples--sacred dwelling places for the Holy Spirit-- lovely sanctuaries that house the very presence of God. I just want to remind you that your body is BEAUTIFUL! Our Heavenly Father speaks these words over you: “You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you” (Song of Solomon 4:7). He delights in you—His beloved daughter. You are a precious masterpiece and work of art!

Testimony

I spent countless years believing the lie Satan wanted me to believe: ignoring my own needs, emotions, and desires was the “right” thing to do. People-pleasing became my greatest coping mechanism to mitigate the anxiety I felt if/when I perceived someone’s disapproval or disappointment. Then, it quickly morphed into a preventative measure I led with. Yet the Lord didn’t create me just so I could ignore me. Embracing my emotional health actually meant I had to stop abandoning the emotions my heart was experiencing. I didn’t have the slightest clue what “self-care” meant, I actually thought it was a buzz-word created so people could take a deep dive into their own selfish desires and wants. I never took the time to attune to my heart, to sit with it long enough to actually know how I was doing. And we can’t take care of something we know nothing about.

In Peter’s Scarrozo’s book, “Emotionally Healthy Spirituality,” he writes,

“Ignoring our emotions is turning our back on reality. Listening to our emotions ushers us into reality. And reality is where we meet God. . . . Emotions are the language of the soul. They are the cry that gives the heart a voice. . .”

The Lord is not threatened by our emotions; He is actually the one that created our ability to feel them! When we honestly acknowledge what we are experiencing, then and only then can we decide how we want to move through them. The fear of being overtaken by my feelings forced me to stay separated from them. Not only did I miss the opportunity to take them to the Lord, to seek His comfort and guidance, and have a connective experience with Him, I relinquished all the power over to the very thing I was trying to avoid. The magnitude of verse 23 should not be missed. [Your heart] determines the course of your life. We have an active part to play in creating and sustaining emotional health in our lives, and we have a relationship with the very God who created our heart and cares for its well-being better than we will ever know how to.

Taking care of yourself can look like a myriad of different things; it could be putting up boundaries with the person who consistently bulldozes them, it could be a slow cup of coffee in the morning to start your day off right, it could be saying no to the calendar invite, or it could be saying yes to the calendar invite. It could be allowing the tears you hold back to have a space at the table, it could be going for a jog. Be creative, have fun, get attuned. The Lord is so kind to be clear with us about how important the state of our hearts are, may we be an intentional steward of them.

Testimony

I love how the Bible can be so direct and straightforward. I need that clear-cut instruction from God. “Our thoughts run our life, don’t ever say things that aren’t true, keep looking to what is good…” These truths and strong directions from God require great faith to enact, but bring such peace when life gets hard and it feels like my mind, my mental well-being, might be on the brink

Have you ever observed your own thought patterns? After hearing some bad news, getting in a fight with a loved one, a bad break-up, or working through a traumatic situation, have you ever thought about what you think about? Our mind and the way we process/categorize external events really does translate into how we run our life, because our actions follow what we truly think and believe.

I recently received a phone call from my mom with just about the worst news you could hear from your mother.. My dad had been unfaithful, and kept it a secret for 4 years. Boom. Even as a 27 year old, the daughter and kid in me immediately felt shook. In the days that followed, I knew I had to be very careful about what I thought about.

When we receive any sort of life-altering, potentially identity-defining news, the enemy has every desire to take ground in our mind and wreak havoc on what we think about ourselves or others. Since we know the enemy’s goal is to steal, kill, and destroy, it makes sense that he would attack in the moments we feel the least put-together.

For the next two weeks, my thoughts felt like small spiraling rabbit trails. Whenever a new thought came into my mind about myself, my marriage, my parents, my siblings, spiritual forces at play, I had to make sure that the bad ones didn’t take any root, and I repeated the good ones over and over.

I love my dad, but I’m not like him in this way. My marriage is not my parents’ marriage. I am fighting for and building on a firm foundation in Christ. God wants good for my parents, even now…

Putting this into practice is not easy, but Paul says in Philippians chapter 4 that the God of Peace is with us. Your mind and your thoughts matter, both to God and to others.

Testimony

TAKE TIME - WE ALL HAVE A STORY 

“As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a village where a woman named Martha welcomed them into her home. Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord's feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was worrying over the big dinner she was preparing.  She came to Jesus and said, "Lord, doesn't it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me." But the Lord said to her, "My dear Martha, you are so upset over all these details! There is really only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it - and I won't take it away from her."  Luke 10:38-42

I relate to this story so much, I think we all can. We have THINGS. TO. DO., right ladies!? We have errands to run, mouths to feed, parents to take care of, friends to hang with, co-workers to connect with, neighbors to see, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning… I could go on and on, and so could you! Notice Martha in this story. She’s got things, she’s busy, she wants this dinner to be perfect cause huh, Jesus, the savior of the world, just walked into her home! Now reread about Mary,”...Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught.” She sat, she listened, she took in what Jesus was saying. She knew that sitting and engaging with Jesus was the best thing she could ever do.

Ladies, I’ll get right to it, sometimes we need to stop, we need to sit and invest. Invest in what God wants you to hear; sit and listen to your friend’s story, your neighbor’s story. Take time to be someone's ear and lay your “things” aside. This is relational wellness - saying Jesus, you matter to me. Friend, you matter to me. Neighbor, you matter to me. Sister/brother, you matter to me! I recently heard a quote - “People's stories are as sacred as anything can be this side of the grave. If you ever question the work you're doing, or your work's purpose, just be a person who makes space and grace for peoples’ stories and you will go to your grave one day having done way more than you ever realized.” - Chad Bruegman.

Take time - We all have a story.

Testimony

Do a little bit each day. That’s my best advice, and I’ve used it personally and professionally for years; through grad school, multiple jobs, getting married, becoming a mom, and living with small children during the changes and pivots that 2020 has brought to us all. I’m all for the “big goal” and “taking that big hill,” but I truly believe there’s value in the small moments and in the incremental wins.

When it comes to our wellness, oftentimes we champion big goals when simple daily ones might have a larger cumulative impact. After the birth of my son I made a list of four small daily rituals to pull me through my sleep-deprived winter days: put on mascara (the expensive one from your birthday that inexplicably makes you feel like a queen), walk outside (even if only to get the mail), listen to a few minutes of an audio book (no Sesame Street, something to keep those mental gears turning), and read through Romans 8 (for the thousandth time). Emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual rituals, all served up in teaspoon-sized amounts for a season of intense personal change.

I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that doing these things made my postpartum season magically easy or that my tiny newborn slept like a champ because he so respected my holistic routine (spoiler: he definitely DIDN’T. My children are cute, but dangggg they do not like to sleep). But I will tell you that the tiny moments I spent focusing on my holistic health each day served as an anchor-point for me. And maybe queen-like makeup doesn’t give you an emotional lift, or you prefer a good Psalm to get your spirit in-tune for the day. That’s great! Rituals are intended to be specific to you, to your season, and to what individually “brings you life.”

We often read the verse “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Luke 10:27) and we miss some of the anchoring pieces of it. Read the verse again: heart, soul, strength, and mind. Emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental wellness. Surely there are layers upon layers of additional meaning for this verse, but reading through this lens makes it clear that God cares about us holistically, completely, and perfectly.

Do you want to know an often-overlooked element of Jesus’ daily living? Jesus was fully human and he took naps. HE TOOK NAPS. Can I get an amen University students? Corporate boss ladies? Moms? Basically every.type.of.woman?! Do you know what else He did? He got away to a quiet place to gather his thoughts and commune with His Father. He wept with his friends who were emotionally crushed by the sudden loss of their brother. He cooked Peter breakfast on the shore, knowing that he would be hungry, after a long night of unsuccessful fishing. He was fully God and He was fully man, and lest we forget that He loves us in our humanity, He’s there to lift up our tired head, wipe our teary eyes, and remind us that He loves us RIGHT here, RIGHT where we’re at. And I’m just here today to say that if Jesus can make space for His and others’ humanity -- their physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs -- shouldn’t we allow ourselves to do the same?

As you look toward your day, week, or month I would encourage you to think about something you can do each day to engage with your wellness physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, but in tiny, bite-sized morsels. Do a little bit each day and ask God how you can “love the Lord your God” in all of your beautiful, messy, human-ness.

Testimony

Let’s be honest, we all have some baggage with prayer. We have this bad habit of hinging our spiritual success on our ability and willingness to pray. The problem with equating our beloved-ness with our diligence is obvious: less hustle = more distance. I knew that there is nothing that could separate me from God’s love, but there was something in my behaviors that betrayed my belief. If I neglected to pray or didn’t pray in the way I thought I should—I was spiraling. I must be drifting away from God; slowly intensifying the space between us as I failed to maintain the connection. I grew up in an intellectual congregation hearing seasoned believers wield language with articulation and finesse. This created a yearning for elegance. Even in my private prayers I strove for an eloquence that seemed extemporaneous; fumbling through my thoughts as though I had an audience to impress. This has been a grind for me the majority of my Christian life. I am coerced to certain behaviors, and I bleakly marvel at the joy which compelled Paul to encourage the Thessalonians to “pray continually”.

Moving overseas shifted every routine I had ever developed—unhinging my identity from my inhabited rituals surrounding family, friends, work, and home. This has been a season of slow; a disruption of my quotidian, a quiet anonymity. Over the past couple of years my prayer practices have changed. I wondered if I was slipping away, but all that has changed is this: I have stopped talking so much. When guilt or conditioning urges me to compose a prayer because “I’m supposed to,” I have been trying to quiet my heart and notice my breath. I have been inspired by the contemplative practices which focus on mindfulness and being present to our times and spaces. I was drawn to the natural ease of breathing prayer—calming my methodological mind and permitting my whole body to commune with God.

Instead of being concerned with doing it right, I have started to concern myself with recognizing the Holy Spirit. I breathe in, I breathe out.

I recognize that Scripture likens the Spirit to the breath of God—hovering over the waters of creation, rushing like a restorative wind in the valley of dry bones, falling like fire at Pentecost. I breathe in, I breathe out.

I let go of my words and all the things I think I need to say, because they are already known by the God who knows me. I breathe in, I breathe out.

I am filled with the same Spirit which raised Christ from the dead; there is nowhere I can go from the presence of the Holy Spirit, and now I am the embodiment of Jesus on the earth. I breathe in, I breathe out.

On the days I feel like striving, I let my breath remind me that neither my lack of effort or my resolute devotion will achieve what Christ has already achieved: constant belonging, unswerving relationship, permeating presence. So I am letting my breath be my prayer. Breath is a vital, perpetual reminder of the gift of the Holy Spirit, the reality of Christ’s risenness, and the sustenance given in every moment. Paul’s exhortation finally feels attainable: If I continually breathe, then I continually pray. 

Testimony

“We found more cancer during the procedure than we expected…” These were the words of the surgeon explaining to my dad and two sisters what they had found in my mom’s brain after 6 hours of surgery. To be honest, everything he said about next steps moving forward were all just a blur. Never had I experienced the breathless gut punch of hopelessness until those few words rang in my ears.

Some of you have experienced the gaping black hole of hopelessness in your soul. Maybe hopelessness crept in when you couldn’t control an outcome, or when you were taken advantage of, or experienced tragedy of a family member or friend like myself. Or perhaps hopelessness for you has found a home in your mind. Thoughts of anxiety, depression, and suicide have completely ravaged any shred of hope you once clung to.

Through my journey of finding hope again, I have found a few things about hopelessness.

1. Hope is still found in hopelessness

If you look at the story of the paralyzed man, Jesus asked him “Do you want to be healed?” When you listen to the response of the man, he starts listing off the reasons why he should be hopeless. “I blame that person…” “I’m lonely…” “This wasn’t the outcome I was expecting…” 

I find it fascinating that even though this man was revealing the hopelessness in his soul, he remained by the pool. The resolve to hope that one day, he would receive healing after 38 years of sickness reveals that hope can still survive in a hopeless soul. What is the hope that is still surviving in your hopeless soul? Is it a simple prayer, a friend, a dream, a thought of a different future? Write it down.

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If you couldn’t write anything down, that’s ok. I want to challenge you to do the next thing I learned from hopelessness.

2. Remain close to Jesus

Fast forward a few months, I watched my mom meet Jesus face to face. I will be the first to admit, this was not the outcome I was hoping for. I remembered drawing close to Jesus during that season of my life, and (although it sounds crazy) I started having overwhelming hope amidst excruciating sorrow: hope that I will one day see my momma again, hope for my future through dreams at night, and the list went on…

I think this story you read in John 5 is about more than just a favorable outcome. It is about Jesus restoring hope.

Testimony

As a young girl, I would race through the pews of our old pentecostal church each Sunday while my parents spent hours and hours in worship, teaching, and prayer. These long worship services would last anywhere from two to (what felt like) five hours. We would often break in the middle to have potluck style lunches and then go right back to a night service with more prayer and worship. My twelve siblings and I would make up games to entertain ourselves or play hide-and-seek in the dusty corners of the building to pass the time. But more often than not, I found myself drawn to the sanctuary. There was something about all the voices joining as one and rising above the noise of the drums and electric guitars to declare who Jesus is, that melted and fascinated my heart.

Not only was I drawn into the music itself, but the atmosphere of faith resounded in me. I loved believing for the best in our world, for healing, restoration, and Hope itself. My family didn’t have much and at the time I was well aware that most would consider us to be quite poor, but in those early memories in that musty old church, I felt rich. I felt alive. I felt close to Jesus. And I believe it’s those earliest moments of meeting with Him that kept me in the years to come.

Like anyone who grew up (literally) in the church, my faith was put to the test again and again through my adolescence and it finally became a faith of my own during my last years of high school. By this time, my family was no longer attending church and most had lost their way, but I was determined to find somewhere that I could experience God again. But more often than not, I found myself singing my heart out to an old Hillsong Worship CD (Darlene Zschech, anyone?!) alone in my room. It was in those moments that I believe God whispered to me plans for my future and molded my heart into that of a true worshipper. And from my humble little bedroom I learned to love the presence of God.

We were all designed to live in perfect communion with the Living God. Whether we know it or not, we all crave His presence in our lives. And while God is alive in the sanctuary, He is also alive in our hearts, homes, cars, bedrooms, the mountains, and even in King Soopers and Trader Joe’s. He is most alive at Chick-Fil-A (kidding… but now I’m hungry). It’s plain and simple—Jesus wants to be close to us so he meets us where we are. Our worship is the expression of our affection and as we worship it fixes our eyes on the hope that only He brings. In the presence of God we find our help, our strength, our hope, our defense, our satisfaction in life, and remembrance for what He’s done which ultimately sets our sights on eternity.

The more time we spend with Jesus, the more time we want to spend with Jesus. Just as my young heart was enamored with His presence in that old little church, my heart is all the more enamored with his presence today. Worshipping Him is where I find all that I need. That’s not churchy talk, that’s real talk. If you’re hurting, weary, lonely, afraid, lost, depressed, anxious, brokenhearted, in need, etc., Jesus is who you need. Nothing else is like his presence. Seek Him and you will find Him when you seek with all your heart (Jeremiah 29:13).

Testimony

Community, in my opinion, is one of the most precious things God gives to us as believers. Having God’s people in your life, walking alongside you, is a crucial element to living “life to the full,” as Jesus said. Sometimes that happens organically, and sometimes it takes quite a bit of faith and effort on our part. For me it has taken a lot of effort. I moved around often as a child, and now, as an adult, I find myself living abroad and raising my family in a culture that is not my own. Living abroad can be an amazing adventure. It is full of surprises and sweet moments of self-discovery. It can also be filled with loneliness and a homesickness for the things that are familiar. The best bridge for me to build my community and that of our church hasn’t been a great Bible study, an amazing conference, or an event. Although all those things are important and good, the thing that has given me a community that is both deep and wide has been my table.

At my table I have traveled the world. I have tasted the tea of Japan and tried the snacks of South Korea. I have learned about the rituals of Tunisia and about education in Rome. I have learned about the similarities I have with a Muslim woman from Turkey. The eclectic nature of this table is what makes the table exciting and interesting, instead of divided. Despite the differences of language, religion, or nationalities, there is a sense of belonging. The sense that we are surviving and thriving in a culture that is not our own, and that we have something to contribute to the other’s journey. The sense that we are all women who have labored the journey of motherhood, or that we are women who have had to navigate the world. At the table and in our homes, our hearts grow and our worlds expand.

This can happen even if you never step outside your country, but it will require you stepping outside of your world. I want to challenge you to invite people to your home and your table who are not from your world. Who look different than you, maybe speak differently than you— and definitely people who believe differently than you. It is surely important to have relationships with people who share your values. It is just as important to expose and expand your world to people who do not. Are you bored? Are you restless, or just stuck in a rhythm? Invite someone into your world that is different from you. Remember, you don’t have to travel the world to step outside your comfort zone.

Jesus did this so well; He is our ultimate example. Even in His close group of friends, there was a fisherman and a zealot, a tax-collector and a business owner. Jesus was known to go outside of cultural norms when He sat and talked with the Samaritan woman at the well, when He ate in tax collector’s homes, and when He welcomed little children. Jesus Himself stepped out of the comfort of Heaven into our humanity. As a response, we can take a step out of the comforts of our homes, of our communities, of our norms into the world of another to be a friend, teacher, comforter, or an encourager.

Testimony

We have a blue couch in our office which has become quite the couch. It has been a place of confession of sorts. It is a safe place where there is no room for judgement, but room for love and for so much grace. On a late February afternoon, I sat there. I sat across from my friend, my office mate and cried. I surrendered. I was so tired and weary. My nearly 40 year old mind, body, soul, and spirit were fading fast. I did not know if I had one more step in me. I confessed that I did not know how I could muster up any more strength. The mantra, “I’m fine. Everything’s fine.” circulated around our office, but I was not okay. I was not “fine.” Actually, nothing seemed fine; my marriage, my physical health, my emotional health, and onward. A few days later I found myself hospitalized, without answers. I could not walk or use the right side of my body.

“Too many hats,” my neurologist said as she sat beside me. Amidst chaos in my hospital room I said so clearly in my mind: I surrender. God, I confess to you, I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE. I wave my white flag. It has to stop here. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. I need you. I am sorry for trying to carry all of this for so long.

I could not open my eyes to see what was happening around me. I had to have assistance in the bathroom. I entered into deep coma-like states, but my body wanted to remain. But God. “Peace be still.” For over eight days. Nothing. Just stillness. I couldn't walk. I barely could eat. But, “peace be still” is all I heard.

“Jesus, I confess that I need you. I am sorry for what I have made this.”

No one ever put pressure on me to carry it all. I just did. The hats given and the hats taken, I wore them all. And it was killing me softly and very slowly.

I am not sure where you may be. As a woman, there are already pressures to be “okay” and to declare that “it’s fine,” but can I tell you, it was never supposed to be this way. We were never supposed to carry ALL the things. We were never supposed to carry the heaviness of neglect, abuse, addiction, heartache, or perfection for that matter. This is the depravity of the human soul: sin.

It was poured out on the cross and Jesus is the better. He is the one to carry the glory of it all. He carries it all. He died. He suffered. So we did not have to. So, let us rest and let HIM carry it all.

This is a daily confession. A daily surrender. I believe that when we come to this place, all things fall into beautiful grace.

The sweet place to be is confession. Confessing to the Divine that we are in desperate need for Him to sweep through. To be near as He has promised and to be a place of Shalom (whole peace).

When we dig deep and our desires rise up, we have the freedom to come to Him, to come to His people and confess, WE ARE NOT OKAY. We need each other. “Christian culture”  communicates that we have to have it all together and figured out, but quite the contrary, Jesus has it figured out and we just need to be. Be here. Show up. Show up for yourself and show up for others, trusting that God is the controller of all things and is holding all things together.

There is power in confession. I am finding that confession is an act of surrender. Daily surrender.

He is and we are not. And in this, “It’s fine. Everything is fine.”

Testimony

When I was 18 years old my parents told us they were getting a divorce. When you come from a seemingly perfect home, with parents who you are convinced will never get divorced and who have a seemingly perfect marriage, it is a total shock to your system. Out of my siblings, I was the one at the time, who probably took the dissolution of my parent’s marriage the hardest. My family meant the world to me, and I’m sure on many occasions I was convinced I would never heal, never move on, and never forgive my parents for all the hurt and pain I experienced for the next ten years. That’s right, ten years.

I was a stubborn teenager, but the resentment and anger I felt continued on well into my twenties. It wasn't until it began to have a negative impact on my mental health, and soon my brand new marriage, that I knew I had to deal with these wounds. Barely a few months into my marriage, I began to experience some serious depression. What I experienced at that time was even worse due to the fact that it was now affecting my husband. Ultimately, I was forced to face the fact that maybe the resentment I had towards my parents was closer to hate than I had realized. The depression I was experiencing was an outward reflection of what was going on internally. I was refusing to extend forgiveness and realized that if I didn’t forgive them and let myself find healing, there was never a chance for our relationship to be mended. I would hate them for the rest of my life. At the end of the day I knew my parents were just as imperfect and human as I was.

Forgiveness is the art of wholeness. Jesus often spoke of forgiveness, and there’s a reason that Jesus told Peter that it is necessary to forgive seventy-seven times. He may not have meant this literally, but he did say it to prove the point that we ought to forgive in a never-ending way. It took me a long time to heal. It didn’t happen overnight either. It was a lot of hard work, counseling, prayer and allowing God to shine the light on a lot of dark places in my heart. But since the day I forgave my parents, I haven’t experienced depression again. Not once.

Forgiveness is getting a part of yourself back. Because of my experience, I believe there is nothing more detrimental to your mental, emotional, and spiritual health than unforgiveness. I once heard it said that “resentment is corrosive.” Corrosion was literally occurring from the inside out due to my inability, and let’s be honest my unwillingness, to let my parents off the hook. And in the end by forgiving my parents, I not only freed myself from bondage, but freed them as well.

Testimony

My husband, James, was working three full-time jobs and I was able to stay home with our three beautiful children, who at the time were only 3 years, 2 years and 4 weeks old. I know, CRAZY! I did not have any time to take notice of my dizziness, loss of eyesight in my left peripheral view, and headaches. Let’s be honest, “mom life” is an incredible gift, but, at the end of the day, time to focus on ourselves is a rarity.

I mentioned some of these symptoms to my OB doctor, and just to “see what’s going on” he sent me for an MRI of my brain. Less than two hours later, our lives changed, again. I was told I had a brain tumor and it was causing me to go blind, and it needed to be removed quickly.

WHAT? God, I thought this “season” was to care for my husband and three kids. How in the world would I be purposeful when I couldn’t even care after my own family? I was in pain. I was confused as to what God was doing and what He was calling me into.

Two weeks later, I kissed my 3 year old, 2 year old and 5 week old baby goodbye, as I headed into a 9 hour brain surgery. I signed the non-resuscitation papers, knowing that God was faithful on both sides of heaven.

My calling and purpose were blurry to me. Everything I thought, prayed for, and imagined had been taken from me, as if I had possession of them in the first place. Our faithful Father brought me through and in that time we were overwhelmingly loved and served so beautifully, by family, friends, Red Rocks Church and even strangers. People would come in and lift my 5 week old baby boy up to me so I was able to nurse. They brought me meals, had our home cleaned, did laundry, and took our older two toddlers for endless playdates.

You see, our purpose is not always what we think it is. In that time in our lives, it was so humbling to be loved in ways only God could use His people to do. It changes you. Makes you more like Him, when we are stripped of what we thought life was supposed to be. But, take heart. His plans are greater. His purpose, fuller.

Fast forward 7 years, Shayn is now in Junior High, Kingston and Jett are thriving in Elementary school, and I am loving every minute of it. My brain tumor remains growing steadily, and although people may not be able to “see” into the depths of my “hard,” we all have them. We all carry them differently. The question isn’t how is God going to carry us through, it is will we allow Him to?

As we read in 1 Peter 4, Each of us should use whatever gift we have received to serve the Lord and others- that may look differently in different seasons of our lives. For me, I never looked at living with a brain tumor as a gift, but I believe God wastes nothing and He uses all of us. He uses us in our brokenness, and in our messiness. He uses the uncontrollable things that come as pathways to His heart, for His glory and our good.

I don’t know where you are at today or what your season looks like. I wonder though, are you walking through an unexpected season? Maybe a season filled with anxiety or depression? Of loss? Perhaps a death of what you thought your life would be or hoped for? My challenge to you, to me, to all of us, is to unfold your arms; open your palms and allow God, through surrender, to use you wherever you’re at. You may be a mother barely making it daily from exhaustion. Maybe you’re working from home right now, and maybe you’ve lost your job. Maybe your spouse lost his job. Maybe you’ve found yourself homeschooling and it’s not your natural calling. Whatever it is, ladies, open your arms, your heart, unfold your hands and receive. Receive the gift of your “now” and God will use it all. He is in the chaos, the pain, the disappointment, the dreams and hopes, the sorrow, anxiety, and depression. The sickness. The joy. He is in it all. So, let us rejoice and serve each other in our seasons. Look around -- come alongside the neighbor, friend, stranger -- and allow God to use us as we serve open-handedly in whatever place we are at. The good. The hard. The ugly. He wants it all.

Testimony

When my boys were young, providing opportunities for them to know the love of Jesus was easy. Let’s face it, my influence on them was the strongest in their world because little boys adore their mom! On car rides, we would listen to Baby Praise CD’s. During rest time, we would snuggle and watch Veggie Tales. Before bedtime, we would read the Jesus Story Bible and say our prayers together. I would never get any push back! It was wonderful!

Fast forward 10 years, and my sweet little boys are now pubescent, opinionated pre-teens and teenagers. Providing opportunities for them to know the love of Jesus looks different. They have so many outside influences - friends, movies, social media - that are vying for their attention. They don’t want to listen to mom! So how am I supposed to provide Godly influence for my children? Thankfully, God’s Word provides insight on how to do this.

You see, God tells us in his Word in Deuteronomy 6:6-7 that “his commandments are to be written on our hearts.” That means, ingrained in the very fabric of our being. He wants us to “talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road.” God’s love should be evident to everyone around me, including my family. Am I modeling Jesus to my family? Am I talking about God’s faithfulness to me over the years? Am I apologizing for snapping at my son’s constant questions when I am frustrated? Am I showing patience when one of my boys is disrespectful? Man, that is a hard one, especially with teenagers!

So my challenge as a parent is to be intentional in the daily influence of my children, no matter what stage of life they are in, in order to model the love of Jesus! Nowadays, it looks like practicing driving with my 15 year old and asking about his walk with the Lord. It looks like praying for my middle schooler before I drop him off for school. It looks like serving my family well, even when I am tired. It looks like making church a priority and serving joyfully! It looks like reading my Bible instead of scrolling through my phone when I’m in the family room.

Jesus, help me to influence my children in a way that shows them your incredible love! Thinking of the stage of life your children are in, ask God to give you creative and intentional ways to demonstrate Jesus’ love to them!

Testimony

For as long as I can remember, I have always LOVED to spend time with friends! "Girls nights" are my favorites. Getting dressed up and going to a nice restaurant or even just hanging out in our sweats; eating, talking and laughing for hours about absolutely nothing. So fun!

It was when I went off to college at a small Christian school that I began to understand the meaning of true friendships. We had our love of Jesus in common and He was that foundation. As women of faith, it is so important to surround ourselves with friendships that are Christ-centered; friends that will pray with us, love us, and want the best for us. Friends that are non-judgemental, loyal, caring, and honest. Friends who want nothing but God's best for us and help us strive for that. Proverbs 27:9 states that "a sweet friendship refreshes the soul." The word "refreshed" means having regained strength or energy. That's how we should feel when we are with our sisters in Christ: stronger and refreshed!

This past year has been the toughest of my life. In 2019, my husband, Scott, was diagnosed with a brain tumor that had to be removed. He has gone through radiation and currently chemotherapy, and the road ahead for him still seems so long. During the middle of our daily trips to the hospital for Scott's radiation, I injured my knee and had to have surgery. A week later, my son fell off his bike and had to have his own surgery. We were a mess!

I have always been a strong and steady person, someone who could handle a lot. I was someone who didn't need help; I thought I could juggle it all. But over the past year I was LOW, asking where was God in all of this? But He used my family and my strong Christian friendships to get me through some really dark days. It was those friends who called and sent me weekly messages, encouraged me and built me up, told me I was capable of doing really hard things. Those friends sent me daily scripture verses, did puzzles with me in hospital waiting rooms, sent me flowers, dropped off my favorite snacks and funny cards and pictures that would make me laugh. My brand new Life Group even dropped off meals and sweet gifts for my son. We felt carried and so loved!

In the book of Job, chapter 2, it talks about how Job's three friends heard of his troubles and came to weep with him. They did not say a word but just sat with him. I get emotional picturing that, having just experienced that in my own life. Friends that love me, that don't really know what to say while watching our family go through difficult times, but they just "sit" with me. It refreshes me and I do gain renewed strength from them.

Life is hard ladies, we need each other. We were made to commune with others and we were not made to do life alone. Simple words of encouragement can be SO life-giving! I challenge you to build Christ-centered friendships that add value to both your life and your relationship with God, and I challenge you to be that friend to others.

Testimony

We bought our first home 2 years ago and for the majority of that time I didn’t know many of my neighbors. That is, unil Covid hit. I am an extreme extrovert and during quarantine I found myself practically holding my neighbors hostage outside to talk because I was so starved for human interaction!

During this season I began to develop relationships with the people that live closest to me. The more space I allowed for people to talk, the more I got to know them. At first it was just names or something to the effect of “remind me what you do for a living again?” But the more we interacted, the more I started to learn about who they are, what their dreams are, and how their family dynamics impact them; literally everything. And all because I was just simply available. People began opening up a lot and it was a space where I felt the Lord challenge me: stay longer, listen better, encourage them, pray for them! Don’t hurry into the house too soon, make space for them.

First, I felt guilty that it took a global pandemic to get me (a follower of Jesus, a church-worker) to have time and space for my neighbors. Isn’t this Christianity 101? Love God, love your neighbor. Then I remember that Jesus builds beautiful things from ruins. In the midst of all the craziness of the world, God was rewiring my heart and mind about “the important stuff.” Love God, love your neighbor. I am not perfect, but He is teaching me and walking with me through it.

I want to challenge you to get to know your neighbors; like really get to know them! Maybe a hurried wave as we frantically get into our cars and rush off to the next thing isn’t what Jesus was talking about when he promised an abundant life. What if true life is found when we, as Jesus’ followers, begin to invite our neighbors into the story of God through intentional living. Our front porches, backyards, and parking lots can be the places we meet people, love people, hear their story, and care for them. Who can you get to know in your neighborhood this week and how can you encourage them?

Testimony

Throughout high school, I did not know who I was. I did not know what to be. I looked to other mirrors to find out who I was inside; popularity, sports, partying, makeup, relationships, you name it. But when Jesus swept me off my feet, I found out who I was. I found who I was because I found Jesus. Now at 20, I have found myself very comfortable in who I am, starting to believe the compliments I am given, and I now understand how I am fearfully and wonderfully made. All of this is only because I learned to be like Jesus and because I learned to be with Jesus.

In all His teachings, Jesus gives us the perfect DNA for how to live, love, think, and act. But He does rank a few things as more important than the others: loving God and loving people.

We can be like Jesus by loving God well. Loving God well does not mean loving perfect, but it means loving yourself, obeying Him, serving Him, and having Him be the only King of your heart.

We can be like Jesus by loving people well. This means blessing those who persecute you, not holding a grudge, sparing your judgments, listening more quickly than you speak, honoring people above yourself, grieving with those grieving, and sprinkling the Kingdom everywhere you go.

Absolutely none of this is possible unless our identity is firm, rooted, and founded upon Jesus.

Ask the Lord to examine your heart, and see if you have idols that you put before God. Begin to get curious with yourself and ask if the things you are doing make you more similar to Jesus or more similar to the world. Be close to Him, dwell with Him, gaze upon His beauty.

Psalm 27 is fuel for me to be with Jesus, especially this verse: “One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.” Psalm 27:4

If Christians are what the world has for hope, if we are what the world has to see Jesus, it better be our life’s goal to look as much like Jesus as possible so that we can bring the Kingdom of Heaven down to Earth. People can see Jesus through a story or a passage of Scripture, but people can see Him more clearly when they see how we live. I want the way I live to be the reason someone sees Jesus in their life today. I want the way I speak to people to be living proof that the Living God lives in me.  

Testimony

In the fall of 2017, God started stirring something in my heart. I became increasingly aware of the number of kids in our state without homes and without permanent families. Watching videos of kids in the foster care system left me crying over each child, imagining their story. After a few months and a growing desire to get involved, my husband and I went to an Info Night about foster care and adoption. I was weeping two minutes into the meeting, positive this was where God wanted to use us.

But why would I put myself in hard situations where I’d get “too attached” to kids, knowing they would likely leave my home? Why would I cheer for their biological parents when I know they’d done awful things that led to their kids’ removal from their home? My answer is simply: God. God’s character is why I decided to step into hard and messy places. He is the reason I am compelled to choose a life of sacrifice instead of an easy and comfortable life because that is exactly what Jesus did. It’s our job to reflect Him to this world.

Ladies, God calls us his image bearers (Genesis 1:26) and the whole story of the Bible tells of God’s character. The whole point of reading God’s Word is:

1. For us to know Him

2. To understand how to reflect his character to the world

So what is God’s character? In Exodus 34:6, God describes himself to Moses saying He is merciful, gracious, slow to anger, abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness. Deuteronomy 10:18 describes God, “He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing.” These are just a few aspects of who God is. From knowing these few things about him, how do we reflect his character?

In Matthew 25:40 Jesus says, “Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” In verses 35-36 Jesus gives examples of “the least of these.” He’s basically saying run toward broken people. He invites us to move toward hard places and give value to people most would overlook. That’s how we reflect God to this world.

For my husband and I, being foster parents is one way we get to reflect God’s character. When a child comes into our home we try to see them as God does. And we must think of their parents as God would too. When a child screams and hits and doesn’t do what we ask, we bring them close and remind them they are loved.We speak with  gentle voices and empathize with their feelings. We meet their needs. We are gracious and slow to anger. I get to display for them the way God has always tenderly loved me.

But that’s not the only reason I chose foster care. My other reason is because it just makes sense for me. My entire career path has included children. From teaching elementary students to youth ministry with teenagers, I’ve always been happiest when I’m involved in the lives of young people. So when I think about reflecting God’s character in combination with how God has wired me, I know I’m called to care for kids from hard places.

This is the avenue in which I’m called to move toward the weak and the oppressed and to care for the “least of these.” It is one way I am called to act as God’s image bearer. Friends, what way are you called to act as God’s image bearer in loving the “least of these”? It may be serving the homeless, the sick, the incarcerated, getting involved in foster care, or wherever God leads you. You are made to show the world how great our God is through the way we care for the poor and the oppressed.

Testimony

Three years ago I was at the lowest point in my life. I was sitting alone in church on a Sunday, newly divorced and without my children. I had spent the past year crying, battling depression, and I wanted the pain to go away. In that moment, the pastor mentioned a need for volunteers to join their God Behind Bars program. God very gently but firmly placed this ministry heavy on my heart. It was as if I heard him say, “It is time to stop focusing on your own pain and go serve.” I had never walked into a prison before, nor had I known anyone incarcerated. Stepping into the unknown produced both fear and also a curiosity as to why God wanted me here, with these people.

The first months of sitting behind prison walls with “inmates” both for life groups and service were some of the most eye-opening moments of my life. I struggled with feeling like I didn’t belong, and I had no idea what I had to offer. I didn’t understand the worlds they had lived in and I definitely didn’t understand the world of prison. I quietly listened to the women share their stories, encourage one another, and start to trust me with some of their deepest pain. As we sat in circles week after week, I realized that we encompassed almost every nationality, socioeconomic class, race, and religion and yet we were all connected on a deep level. Given a different set of circumstances in my own life, I could be living behind the walls of a prison with these women.

At the core of each of us, we desired to be loved, to be known, to be forgiven and to walk in the purpose we were created for. I was raised in a Christian home and have walked with the Lord for most of my life, but the faith of these women was unlike anything I had ever experienced. They had been stripped of everything, and I mean everything. Yet they were powerful because they knew who they belonged to! For some of them their relationship with the Lord was all that they had. For others they had been burned by religion/church and some opened the Bible for the first time in a prison cell.

All of the barriers that separated “me” from “them” disappeared. There wasn’t offender and volunteer, felon and victim; we were all connected. I was a part of a family of women who God created for a purpose and who He deeply loved. We are all equal in the eyes of Christ. Our differences did not separate us but rather brought beauty and individualized perspectives to our conversations. These women have radically changed my life. We have now done life together for three years, side by side. Praying for one another, spurring one another on, and most of all loving each other through this season of life. To the world we are defined by the color of our skin, the money in our bank account, and where we lay our head at night. To God, we are ALL his children who he deeply loves!

Testimony

For two years as I attended Red Rocks Church, I repeatedly heard about a ministry opportunity called God Behind Bars. I felt a little “tug” at my heart each time to sign up, but my mind kept coming up with all the reasons (excuses) why I could not.

Have you ever felt (or are currently feeling) that God is calling you to something, but you have many excuses why it’s not for you? Not now? Maybe later? What could I do to help? It’s too scary and it’s out of my comfort zone; I don’t really have time, qualifications, resources, etc.

I finally decided to look into the program and see where it led. Three months later, having completed the requirements to serve in a prison, I found myself sitting in a circle, doing Bible study with incarcerated women. These women were of all ages, ethnicities, backgrounds, serving different sentences (many of them “life”), and having committed a variety of crimes. However, what they all had in common was a desire to be known, loved, accepted, forgiven and valued; the same desires we all have. These women had been forgotten by family, friends, children, spouses and society. They felt and were many times treated as if their crime was their identity. They felt “less than,” insignificant, and many had no hope. I had no idea what I could do just spending two hours a week with them, or how I could influence anyone or make a difference. However, God showed me what He could do with my obedience in just showing up and loving the ladies where they were. He also showed me that He had been preparing me “for such a time as this.” What obstacles have you overcome in your life that you could use to encourage someone else? Someone who doesn’t think their life could ever be different?

Over time, I developed so many amazing relationships. Every time I left the prison, I felt as if I could walk on water from the joy I felt inside. These women were beyond grateful for someone to come and spend time with them, encourage them, love on them and show them that all things are possible with God. So many took what they were learning (and the example set by the volunteers) and went back to their circles of friends, and began to influence them with a better way to do life. One of the women in my group was released three months ago. She is doing amazing! She would be the first to tell you how her life is forever changed because someone loved her where she was, and how someone helped her see her life for what it could be. She repeatedly said regarding those who helped her, “I’ve never known people like you!” How sad is that?!

Can you prayerfully ask God today, where He has been preparing you to serve? Where can you help those in need?